An End In Sight?: A Writer's Ramblings

I’ve never been able to follow through on a New Year’s Resolution. In fact the only one I’ve ever managed to come good on, was when I decided to never make another.

There is a school of thought that believes when we voice our goals out loud, a certain feeling of achievement comes with that announcement, therefore causing some people to never make it past that initial thought.

Interesting concept, isn’t it? Let’s consider this for a moment.

Have you ever woken up one morning and decided to yourself that you’re going to: a) go to the gym every night, b) lose 20 kg before your birthday next month, c) give up chocolate, d) stop drinking, or e) all of the above.

You’re pumped, it feels right, you’re positive you’re going to follow through with it this time. You can’t wait to share this life changing decision you’ve made, so you roll over, grab your phone and post it on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Even before you’re out of bed, your mum, sister and the IT bloke from work have already hit the like button and replied with words of encouragement and inspiration and lots of heart emoji’s. For the rest of the day the cycle continues, you walk around on a bit of a cloud, it’s wonderful, you’re feeling…? Now, what exactly is that feeling? Think about it...

That’s right, you feel accomplished.

But you haven’t done anything yet.

By the end of the day you decide you’re way too tired to swing by the gym on the way home from work and of course you left a little later than usual so you just might have to call into the drive-thru to pick up dinner. There’s one last 350g block of chocolate left over from your Chrisco delivery and well, there’s people starving all over the world. Do I need to mention that it would be the height of rudeness to not drink the bottle of wine your bestie gave you last week?

No probs. I’ll start tomorrow.

Sound familiar?

Thankfully no one seems to hold us accountable for these broken promises – other than ourselves.

Is it the goals themselves that become the problem here, or perhaps the unrealistic way we set them with an end in sight? One of Bruce Lee’s reported quotes is: “A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.”

So, in my new found philosophical mind, I’ve decided to consider the New Year as a way to mark the continuation of something rather than the beginning (or end) of something else. For example, ‘I will continue to write because I enjoy it’, rather than ‘this year I will write a chapter a day and complete my third novel by 5pm, 20th July 2017, AEST”. As much as I’d love to, reaching that goal would be a stretch – even if I relocated tomorrow to a deserted island – so why set myself up for the disappointment, come 4:59 pm, 20th July 2017 AEST? The goal is really the same however I have taken away the restrictions and timelines, removed the restraints and put the focus on the journey to get there, rather than skipping right to the perceived end.

So with this new mindset, also comes the way I intend to approach the autoimmune disease I have, Rheumatoid Arthritis.

You see, I’ve become one of those people. You know, those people that you almost hate asking three little words…how are you? You know that as soon as the words leave your lips you will be regaled with a long-winded and usually gross, detailed description of an ailment and sometimes the unfortunate side-effects. Now, I hate talking about me at the best of times but even I have found the need to explain just how poorly I’ve been doing – and it comes flying out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop it.

My very wise mother said to me, “…you’re still struggling with pain and therefore it is right at the forefront of your mind. When you have really come to terms with it, it will fade to the background and no longer be your focus.” #love my mum

So it occurs to me that subconsciously I’ve been waiting for an end to arrive with this, the end of the pain and the struggle perhaps…but there is no end to this, just the journey.

There's always going to be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always going to be an uphill battle, Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose, Ain't about how fast I get there, Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

~ Miley Cyrus

And for me it really has been an uphill battle so far, despite my good intentions to remain positive and my tenacity to push through; the pain was becoming difficult to deal with. Consequently, my latest blood test results showed that the disorder had not responded to medication, but had been aggressively active, surprising even my specialist with its regression.

“How have you even managed to keep working?” he demands, as he gently examines my fingers.

“What choice do I have?” I reply with tears springing immediately to my eyes. Then I add, almost sheepishly, “I’ve also been doing karate.”

He looks at me for a moment with his eyebrows raised high, and then we laugh together for a moment. I realise that even in this situation, I still have a choice.

I can choose to do or not to do.

But I need to change my approach.

So, for anyone who is dealing with this sort of ailment, one that does not have an end in sight – stop looking for one! Take each day and deal with it as it unfolds, seize the days when things are good and when things are not so good…seize them a little more gently!

We were asked the other week what our karate goals were for this year. My husband said to me later, “You know, I don’t really have a specific goal except that I’d just like to keep training. What I achieve in that time, will be a bonus.”

(I’m surrounded by wise people!)

Just keep training.

Just keep writing.

Just keep living.

Just keep swimming…

#SharynDunbar #Author #Karate #Arthritis #RheumatoidArthritis #Chronicpain #Depression